Miscarriage

The doctor found the placenta; everything except the baby. "No sign of fetal development."

The ultrasound was just a dark circle of where the baby should have been.

It's a little lonely being just me again.

I don't know where my baby is. Never baptized, but brought to church. I don't know when or how he slipped away.

The sac on the ultrasound measured nine weeks, two days: the day my father died. It's a little comforting to think Papa will look out for my nameless child.

It was hard to drive to Savannah the day after finding out. Going to the ordination, mingled with the 100th anniversary. His Eminence kept emphasizing giving the richness of the past to the promise of the future. I felt that I'd dropped the baton. Whenever I stumbled, there would be a priest or a presbytera, a hand outstretched to whisper: "I've been there, too." It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it makes it possible.

"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." — Ephesians 6:13

Fasting while Pregnant

After reading up (some more) on the rules of what is allowed and what isn't allowed for pregnancy, it seemed to me that it was simply exchanging one set of eating rules for another.

I wasn't prepared for not being able to lick the bowl after making brownies. :( Maybe I'll make a lenten batch of brownies next time.

First Prenatal Visit

Dn. Virgil and I went to the doctor this afternoon. I am, indeed, pregnant, so all the previous posts which had been drafted but as yet unpublished will be published today. Due date: January 14, 2008.

Oh, and due to the extent of the rods in my back, the doctor does not think I will be eligible for an epidural, but later on I should talk to an anesthesiologist about a patient-controlled anesthetic. I made Dn. Virgil take notes, although I find it difficult to read his handwriting (and he did it in purple). I weigh 138 pounds so far.

I really like this doctor: she passed the warm stethoscope test.

So the focus is on eating (yay!), sleeping, and exercising, in the pregnant part of things.

St. Isidore of Chios

We went to Orthros this morning, and Dn. Virgil brought our icon of St. Isidore of Chios which had been given to us by our koumbara (who is from Chios).

We were helping Paul at the chant stand: Dn. Virgil on his right side, and (to outward appearances) myself and John Daly on his left side. Dn. Virgil leaned over to Paul: "Don't you think this is a little unbalanced? Three people on one side and one person on the other side." This was a little unfair to Paul who hadn't quite woken up yet. I could see him look on each side, and wonder why he should be counted on one side or another, since he was in the chair. I leaned over: "Paul, I'm plural." He nodded; obviously, we have inculcated him to our weirdnesses. Then he looked at Dn. Virgil's grin and did a double-take at me and his jaw completely dropped.

When Dn. Virgil asked permission to tell Paul, I had thought he was going to tell about the icon, since we had arrived after Paul. Sneaky husband.

Dn. Athanasios came by and congratulated us, and reminded us that "Athanasios" makes a good name. :)

St. Isidore of Chios, and you, dear reader, please pray for us.

P.S. I also find that the baby falls under the "captive" category in the petitions.

Mother's Day

Well, now the word is out, somewhat. Although I had told one person a day for the first three days, I managed to resist after that. Until Sunday morning. I really wanted to tell, especially when I moved to be next to Dna. Vassi ... and then Georgia (and her six beautiful children) came on the other side. However, I figured it would be best to wait until after Liturgy.

As Fr. Nick Triantafilou was passing out the antidoron, someone reminded him that it was Mother's Day, so he stopped the post-Liturgical chanting to wish all the mothers a happy mother's day. So I turned to Dna. Vassi: "I have a secret." Her eyes got big, and I nodded, and then was engulfed in a hug.

I found Jenny outside, and told her that she had been right at the swap meet. She was confused, so I reminded her that when I was holding some baby things for Dna. Vassi, and she asked me was I pregnant, and I had said no ... I was wrong.

By then word had gotten around a bit, and I was being congratulated by Amelia, and Dna. Vassi came up looking worried: "Was I not supposed to tell?" I assured her that it's fine as long as the people getting the news are also requested to pray for us.

The whole Liturgy felt as though it came right after the first "Christ is Risen!" of the year.

Reason #357 why I love my wife

She read that the baby's heart forms in the fifth week. So when she was reading the canon part of the pre-communion prayers and got to the verse "Create in me a clean heart of God" she stopped and said: Hey, I can pray this with two different meanings.

Typical

I think the funniest thing about this whole beginning is that, a few days before we decided to take the test, Magda did, in fact, begin to have a craving for pickles...

Pray for us.

Pregnant

After the first pregnancy test's "fairly sure" there were two lines, we decided to wait until this morning and try the second test. We have told a select few (or have been unable to restrain ourselves ... okay, just me) who have congratulated us and said that home pregnancy tests were reasonably accurate.


I am still a little scared, and will wait for the doctor's appointment before I believe. However, I would like to tell his mother and my mother ... and tomorrow is Mothers' Day. And I should get medical histories ...

Please keep the three of us in your prayers.

In the beginning

It seems like everything is beginning.

Usually, I am pretty regular.


So when I didn't get my period yesterday, and 32 days had passed since I had started most recently (which had been the longest between-periods in the past 10 months), I considered buying a home pregnancy test. I wasn't ready to hear a "no," so I passed up the first opportunity.

However, I mentioned this to Dn. Virgil, and suggested that he go buy one. So after we went to the library, we went to the grocery store. He parked and started walking to the store, and I realized that, alone and in his anderi, he might get even more funny looks buying a pregnancy test than if I went with him. So I took my little chicken self and ran after him.

We came home, and he said, "Why not?" So I took the test. I went out and set the timer for three minutes, and made him go back in with me to see. There were two pink lines, although one was faint (the directions said it might be faint, and I have been drinking lots of water these days). So there might be three of us.

I got the card of Pres. Shyla's ob/gyn this morning at chapel (6:30 am Orthros & Divine Liturgy), and called this afternoon, getting an appointment with another doctor in the same office. I'll go in on Monday afternoon.

I am excited and fearful. I feel the way I do when I walk away from the chalice after communing. I am not quite ready to commit to saying, "I am pregnant," only: "I had a positive result to a pregnancy test."

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us sinners.